December 30, 2011
Rover’s Resolutions: Who Says an Old Dog Can’t Pick up Some New Tricks?
Many New Year’s resolutions are already in the rear view mirror. These DogWatch dogs are keeping their resolutions. If your dog had a New Year’s resolution, what would it be? We consulted with a panel of dogs and cats, and here’s what they came up with. We hope this gets your new year off on the right paw!
Kick my carb addiction once and for all. I WILL say NO to that bread that someone is always leaving on the counter! I wonder if they do Jenny Craig for dogs …
Seek therapy for what my human tells me is an irrational belief that the leaves in the front yard pose some sort of threat. I don’t know, man … have you seen the way those things blow all over the place?! It’s not NATURAL, I tell you!
1) Stop treating the leash as an object of torture and 2) stop blowing off my trainers on the agility course. I suppose it couldn’t hurt to give them the illusion of control …
Find a better way to display my athletic prowess than by jumping up on the guests. It seems really strange, but evidently there are people who don’t like that very much … who’da thunk?
See if those Botox shots they give people for excessive sweating also work for excessive slobbering. The drool is ruining my game, man! How’s a guy supposed to impress a gal with drool trailing down his chin, ya know?
Let me preface this by saying that I am a LADY, and therefore refuse to accept that I do something as unfeminine as snoring; however, in the spirit of being a “good” dog, I resolve to start using those nose strip thingies. I wonder if they make them so they clean your pores at the same time …
See if my water dish has anything in it before I flip it over. The wet look just does not work on me. Then again, if my people would keep my water dish FULL all the time, I wouldn’t HAVE to flip it over. AHEM.
Stop using the couch as a scratching post (even though it looks remarkably like one). And hire an interior decorator for my humans while I’m at it …
As much as it pains me to do so, I will try my best to leave my hunting trophies outside, especially the stunned ones. (If only it weren’t so hysterical to watch my human freak out when they wake up and start running around the kitchen!)
– Mr. Jynx
Well, it has been suggested that I retire from my career as a street fighter, but I’m not sure I’m ready for that yet. I mean, dude, they named me after a house elf from Harry Potter, for goodness’ sake; I have to assert my machismo somehow! I retire now and I’ll always look back on how I coulda been a contender, you know? How about I just try to stay inside a little more? One step at a time. Fair enough?
– Dobby (the cat, NOT the house elf)
I resolve to somehow get it through my human’s head that when I jam my face into his hand as he’s trying to work the computer mouse, I’m not actually seeking his attention, but rather trying to hijack the computer for use in my grand scheme for world domination. Foolish human. Resistance is futile.
Find a more appreciative audience for my moonlit serenades. My vocal talents are far too sublime to waste on those people with whom I live, who CLEARLY have no taste for fine music and classical feline vocals. Anybody know if Glee is casting for the next season?
Find a speed to travel at that’s slightly slower than the speed of light. Oh, and learn how to take corners better. And find my brakes. My humans are getting sick of patching up the dents I keep leaving in the walls when I don’t stop in time.
Get over our social anxiety. But the people… they’re so big! And scary! And there’s so many of them! And they smell weird! And they keep trying to touch us! OK, deep breath, think happy thoughts … Um, anyone got a paper bag?
– Karl and Gene
Any New Year’s Resolutions you wish your pet(s) would make? Post them in the comments selection below! And from all of us at DogWatch, have a safe, happy, and healthy new year!
Photos were provided by the respective pets’ humans, except for Morgana, who hijacked the computer and sent us her own picture.